Birthday Resolutions, Tough Choices, and Body Issues
Hey everyone, sorry for the long gap between posts. A lot has happened. Let me try and break it down.
Let's get the rough stuff out of the way first. I always advocate for self love and body confidence, but I have to admit I'm feeling my confidence flagging as someone who is expected to maintain a fit physique for competitive reasons.
Folks, I'm getting kind of fat.
I haven't been able to stop putting on weight, actually. Over a quarter of a pound a day, and that's if I'm careful! As of today, I weigh 247 pounds, that means I've gained just about 50 pounds in a few months! I keep getting sent calorie-rich bulking powder and I'm kind of hooked on having it in my morning protein shakes now; I get too hungry to really lift if I leave it out. That's only a part of the issue. My relationship with Ivy is getting...closer. We've been seeing a lot of movies together and she's spending more and more time at my place. I'm trying my best not to pick up her snacking habits, but the stuff she brings over is irresistible. Candy, salty snacks, Japanese and Korean imported treats, pastries...and yeah, Ivy comes to the gym with me once a week, but since she's not dieting, she just binges her calorie deficit away.
My body's really stocking up the flab everywhere. My butt is swallowing the fabric of my workout shorts, and my boobs are sore and getting faint stretch marks. My belly is just puffing out more and more, and my whole figure is just getting wider and rounder. I sweat like crazy and have to stop between sets to get extra deodorant on. Cardio's been getting harder, and I'm starting to watch my jogging times slip. I almost didn't make my full run last time, and ended up crashing hard and carb-loading while gaming with Ivy.
Speaking of Ivy, I need to get a grip on my weight before I make the leap with her. If I'm going to be spending even more time with her, I can't resent her for her eating habits and (admittedly really fun) hobbies. I need better self control, but I don't know where to start right now. I think I'm just a little overloaded.
Thankfully, my lifting is pretty much unaffected. I placed second in my latest competition, and I was up against some real heavy hitters. I wasn't even the uh...heaviest girl at the competition, either. I still keep up with my lifting goals, but that means I don't always have the time to do full cardio routines to help burn all this off. Alia is starting to snark at me a bit, but I also catch her staring at me a lot. She also makes a lot of excuses to take pics with me and get a little grabby. I don't even want to think about what that means right now, because the implications are way too dramatic for me to want to deal with right now. (Me, in a love triangle? Like a cheap sitcom? I'm just letting my imagination run away with me, right everyone?)
Oh, also, it's my Birthday today! Ivy got me a whole bunch of games on Steam, which I kind of am annoyed at her for because I'm starting to get "The Backlog" that she keeps bringing up. A very, very generous reader also sent me a whopping $1000 gift card to use on whatever I wanted...I haven't spent it yet because I just don't know what to do with it! Any suggestions?
And uh, here's the damage...be well everyone, let me know how you're doing in the comments!
Doing well ! missed seeing your updates. Not super great at relationship stuff but if you think your catching signals it never hurts to try and check. As for waiting to slim a bit before asking out Ivy do what makes you comfortable girl ! but from the sounds of it your making yourself nervous, Do you think ivy is the type of girl that would really have a problem with you being bigger then usual ? best of luck with your love triangle lol. Can't wait to hear how you do at your next competition, fingers crossed for 1st.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for the encouragement. I know Ivy doesn't mind, but I can't just keep letting things continue this way, y'know? I don't hate my body or anything, but the number on the scale is still going up and I don't want to be complacent with that in the long run! It's more about me finding a good balance with myself so that I'd be comfortable being closer to Ivy.
DeleteJeeze, I hope this doesn't turn into a serious love triangle, I'm not emotionally equipped to handle that!
Hmm...well...in the Humble opinion of your resident Gym-Bro, I think you have done the necessary bulking! A lot of bulking! Now you have to Cut. Those. Calories! Your gains are SWOLE, but now it's time to pull back!
ReplyDeleteWhenever Ivy asks why you aren't eating as much, you tell her what you're doing this all for: sweet muscle mass, power, the strength to carry Ivy around like a noble steed, or whatever your reasons for working out are!
OR, since Ivy is into those animes, you can just respond like an anime girl and stutter a bunch or go "uwawawa" or "ahhhhh....etto...." or something. DITHER LIKE A CHAMPION! She'll find it ENDEARING! Put it off until you can put your feelings into words!
Just remember: CHUNKAGE IS NOT THE ENEMY! Everybody needs it! Without chunkage, we can't have TITY! Just don't overdo it!
Er, thank you...Bicepticon... I'm trying to cut calories but it's hard when I'm lifting so much. I at least need lots of protein or I'll deflate like a leaky balloon! You know how it is.
DeleteYou know, as silly as that sounded I think I would send Ivy over the moon if I cosplayed...I just have to figure out what I'd go as!
Well, moderation is key, I'd think. As long as you keep with the lifting, I don't see a reason these two lifestyles can't exist together! Best of luck,Cerise!
ReplyDeleteI don't mind being on the bigger side I guess, it's more that I can't just keep letting myself gain like crazy...the pounds are -still- piling on, after all!
DeleteNext update when?
ReplyDelete